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How to be Less Controlling

By Intuition

“Control and magic can’t coexist simultaneously.”

This truth came through in a client session last week (followed by the directive for my client to “stop cockblocking The Universe by trying to control everything!”—and yes, we both LOLed at that one).

Of course if you think about it for a minute it makes perfect sense, but how often do you consider, when trying to control all the things in your life, that doing so is actually preventing The Universe (or God, Spirit, The Divine, whatever you want to call it—it’s all the same thing!) from showing up to support you?

We think we know what’s best for us, what will make us happy, what will allow us to feel okay. And in many cases we do, but that doesn’t mean we have to control every aspect of our lives.

When we hold on to things too tightly, we leave no space for Spirit to show up and support us. 

We may know what we want, but even when we dream big we’re often limited by our perceptions and beliefs. What if what you think you want is really just the tip of the iceberg of what you could have? Wouldn’t you want to stay open and leave a little room for that even more amazing reality to manifest? When we control, we aren’t leaving that space.

When we control, we aren’t allowing ourselves to be supported, to co-create, or to experience magic and miracles.

Why We Control

Our impulse to control comes from a need to feel safe. When we don’t feel supported, when we don’t trust life, when we don’t trust ourselves—we tend to try to control things so that we’ll be okay. This tendency is something we learn very young and perpetuate throughout our lives because it can be an effective survival strategy.

Notice I said survival…but would you rather survive or thrive?

We control for all sorts of reasons but they all boil down to an attempt to safeguard ourselves from emotional pain in all its many forms (disappointment, rejection, etc.).

If you’re a highly sensitive person and found the world overwhelming as a child, you probably learned to control your environment to make it easier to handle.

If you’ve suffered trauma or loss, particularly when you were young, you most likely internalized the belief that you’re not supported and you can’t trust life (or God/The Universe/Spirit/etc.).

If you were a very expressive child and your caretakers often told you that you were “too much” you probably learned to control yourself to be more palatable and therefore receive love and acceptance.

If you don’t have the skills to handle your feelings, you’ve likely learned to try to control situations and people as much as possible to avoid having to deal with painful feelings like disappointment.

These are just a few examples, but there are infinite reasons why and how we learn to be controlling.

The good news is that we can unlearn this behavior too!

How to be Less Controlling

Start by noticing when you’re controlling, or trying to control something, and instead of judging yourself (“ughhhh, I’m doing it again!”) find some compassion for yourself. At one point you learned to control because it worked—it helped you survive. 

And if you want to move beyond just surviving and start thriving, the strategy of controlling is one that you’re going to need to let go of. That shift won’t likely happen overnight, but it starts with noticing when you’re controlling and then treating yourself with compassion.

Next, recognize that when you’re trying to control something there’s a part of you that feels afraid or threatened. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of? What’s the worst thing that could happen? Do you trust yourself to be okay if that worst case scenario came to pass? What if there’s an even bigger and better plan for you that can’t even conceive of? Do you want to leave some room for that to show up for you?

Lastly, when you notice that you’re trying to control, find another, more helpful way to soothe your nervous system. If you’re using the survival strategy of controlling, your nervous system is triggered and you’re likely in a sympathetic state (aka fight/flight/freeze). 

Here are some ways to soothe your nervous system so that you can get out of fight or flight (or freeze) and reduce your tendency to control:

  • Deep breathing
  • Practice Breathwork
  • Get outside! (Even better if you can put your bare feet on the earth)
  • Call or visit with a trusted friend
  • Snuggle your pet(s)
  • Creative expression (dancing, painting, singing, doodling, etc.)
  • Move your body (dancing, walking, even something like jumping jacks can help release nervous energy)

Next Steps

If you really want to show up differently in your life and leave some space for magic, commit to releasing control.

This doesn’t mean you can’t take action in your life, it just means that you need to focus your energy on staying in your power and alignment. This means, to some extent, detaching yourself from outcomes, external circumstances, and other people’s perceptions. Yeah, that can be challenging, but it’s a practice (like all things in life) and you don’t have to be perfect at it.

Start with the steps above, and you’ll see how quickly things will shift with consistency. You’ll learn a ton about yourself (which will hopefully pave the way for more self-compassion!) and start to feel so much more empowered because you’ll be managing yourself better. You’ll also likely notice your overall stress level decreasing as you begin to let go of control. 

And when you have those moments when you feel like it’s just so damn hard to stop controlling everything (or trying to!), take a breath and remind yourself that you’re simply practicing creating some space for the magic to enter your life!

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How to Prepare for Your Breathwork Session

By Intuition

There are a handful of things you can do to prepare for your Breathwork session that will help the session flow smoothly and help you get the most out of it:

Check Your Tech

In most cases, we’ll be meeting via Zoom video, so please check that your internet is working ahead of time and plug in your computer/phone. Please make sure that you have the Zoom app on your phone/computer.

If you’ve requested a phone session instead, please ensure that you have reception in your location. It’s also helpful to have a pair of earbuds to use during your session.

I recommend placing your devices on Do Not Disturb after we’ve connected in the session, not before, in case we need to contact each other at the last minute!

Be in a Quiet, Private Location

You absolutely must be in a quiet place where you can speak freely and at a normal volume during your session. Total privacy is ideal to both encourage your complete relaxation and freedom and also to prevent interruptions.

Be Prepared

Although we’ll begin with you sitting up so we can chat, you’ll need to be able to lay down for the breathing portion of the session. For video sessions you’ll position your device so that I can see you from the waist up while you’re breathing.

You should have the following things with you for the session:

  • A blanket (yes, even if it’s hot where you are, because it’s common to feel cold while doing Breathwork!)
  • A pillow
  • Something to cover your eyes with (eye pillow, eye mask, bandana, etc.)
  • A pen and paper to take notes during and/or after your session
  • Glass of water
  • Tissues!
  • Earbuds (optional but helpful to ensure that we can both hear each other clearly)

Be on Time

I’m a stickler about starting sessions on time. If you haven’t heard from me within two minutes of your scheduled appointment, check your email and your voicemail. I always end my sessions on time, even if we have to start late because you weren’t available at our designated start time.

Give Yourself Some Time

Many people (including me!) like to have some time after Breathwork for journaling and processing before having to get on with their day. If you can swing it, it’s ideal to give yourself about 15-30 minutes post-session to integrate whatever came up for you before you need to interact with others or be on your game.

Keep an Open Mind

You never know what will come up during a session! Set the intention to release whatever is ready to go and receive whatever you need and you’ll be in a great frame of mind to get as much value as you can from your session.

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Intuitive Self-Care

By Intuition

We live in a culture of “should” and something I see a lot with my clients is that they have the best intentions for caring for themselves but all the “shoulds” get in the way of them listening to their own intuition about what they really need.

Intuitive self-care is taking care of yourself in ways that have meaning and make sense for you. By learning to connect with and trust your intuition, you’ll feel clear and confident about what you need to feel and function your best.

How do you know what you need?

By tuning in to your intuition of course! Your intuition is a direct line of communication between your soul and your conscious mind. Intuitive guidance is always supportive of your highest good, so your intuition will never lead you astray. Note that this doesn’t mean that everyone around you or the “should” voice in your brain will agree with your intuition (more on this below).

In order to tune in to your intuition you need to be willing and open to receive whatever comes through. You also need to make space for it. I find quiet time to be especially helpful, but this doesn’t necessarily mean sitting in meditation!

Your intuition is always there waiting for you to tune in, and when we can quiet our conscious minds even a little, intuitive guidance comes through easily. How many times have you received a solution to a problem, an inspired idea, or clarity around a decision while going for a walk, making art, doing dishes, or taking a shower?

With regards to intuitive self-care, consider things like:

  • How you spend your time
  • Your priorities
  • Boundaries with other people
  • Boundaries with technology
  • Asking for and receiving help
  • Sleep, nutrition, movement

Intuition is the key to working with these aspects of self-care in an empowered way so that you can feel good about your decisions instead of guilty for trying to take care of yourself. (Or ashamed if your most nourishing self-care involves spending a day on the couch watching Netflix and not talking to anyone! Remember, intuitive self-care is about consciously choosing to follow your intuition about what you need.)

You may find it helpful to use each of the bullet points above as a jumping off point for journaling, or as touchpoints when making decisions. Pay close attention to any sense of knowing that you have, images, sounds, or words that come to you, and sensations in your body—these are all ways that intuitive information comes through.

A few things to watch out for

One of the trickiest things about following our intuition is that it often contradicts what our conscious minds think we “should” do, especially when it comes to self-care. Remember that what we think is influenced by our beliefs.

Our beliefs—about ourselves and about life—are formed in response to our experiences. The experiences we have in infancy and childhood are particularly influential, and unfortunately many of the beliefs we create in response to these experiences are incorrect and limiting. Examples of incorrect, limiting beliefs are the ideas that love and rest are things we must earn through productivity, perfection, or pleasing others.

The beliefs we hold also affect our susceptibility to outside influences like social or familial pressure. For example, if we have doubts about our worthiness or lovableness, we’re much more likely to give in to external pressure even when it contradicts our own inner knowing. We are programmed to seek love and belonging for our survival, so if we have doubts about whether we’re being loved or accepted, it becomes very difficult to hear or trust intuitive guidance that’s telling us to go against what is socially acceptable or what our families desire.

The truth is that what’s good for us is good for the collective. When we follow our intuition with regards to our self-care, choices, boundaries, etc. we are doing what is in the highest good for all—even if that means disappointing others. Keep that in mind next time you’re afraid to follow your intuition because you don’t want to upset someone or let them down. Ultimately, following your intuition creates the best outcome for everyone (even if they don’t realize it!).

Next steps

My best advice for developing a relationship with your intuition is to ask for the guidance you need and then quiet down, make some space, and allow the insights to flow to you (keeping in mind that they may not be loud or obvious!). Experiment with not responding to texts, emails, and invitations right away. Let your phone go to voicemail. Go for a walk or just do nothing instead of reading or watching TV. Ask your partner to handle the kids for an hour so you can have a bit of alone time with your thoughts to do something you enjoy. See what comes through for you when you invite your intuition in and open yourself to its wisdom.

The more you practice tuning into and acting on your intuition, the easier it becomes to intuitively care for yourself across the spectrum of seasons and situations you find yourself in.

Lastly, remember that everyone is intuitive! If you’d like personalized help with developing your innate intuitive gifts, I’d love to connect with you in a session.

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Letting Go of Secrets and Shame

By Intuition

I have a secret I’ve been holding onto for a long time, a secret that makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed.

I think a lot of secrets are like this, even if they start small, over time they become weights that hold us down. I want to share my secret with you both to set myself free and to let you know that you’re not alone. You may not have the same secrets or problem(s) I have, but you have things you keep hidden in the dark because of fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, pain….

I’ve found that the more we can be open about our truths, the more connected and free we become. When we speak our shame, share our pain, and shine a light on everything that we’ve kept in the dark, we become able reclaim our wholeness. Loving ourselves through these difficult and vulnerable moments is the most healing and empowering work we’ll do as we navigate our human experience.

I’ve reached the point where living with this weight is far worse than opening up and sharing it. I’m ready to heal, to empower myself, to live fully.

My Secret

I’m addicted to Instagram. When it comes to social media, Instagram is my favorite, and I’ve struggled with my addiction to it for a long time. I feel silly writing that, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. It’s Instagram, not heroin! But the reality is that anything we’re addicted to is a problem because addiction itself is a problem.

I think of addiction as an escape hatch from life. It’s what happens when we engage in compulsive behavior in order to avoid pain, anxiety, fear, loneliness or other unpleasant feelings. We lose control, and this creates a downward spiral that feeds off of itself. The worse we feel, the more we engage in the addiction, and the more we engage in the addiction the worse we feel.

A Bit of Backstory

When I think back I can see clearly how my addiction came to be, and when I dig in and really look at myself I understand how it’s persisted for so long. I’ve acknowledged this problem to myself before, but never really owned it, never actually used the (for me, very loaded) word addiction.

My mother was an addict, in a family of addicts. Her addiction prevented her from truly living and it hastened her death. Even when I was very, very young I could see the damage it caused. I hated her addiction. I decided when I was child that I wasn’t like my mother and would never make the kinds of choices she made.

As I grew older and watched my mother implode I became even stronger in my conviction. I lived a lifestyle completely opposite of my mother’s and have always prided myself on not being vulnerable to vices and addictions. I viewed myself as too disciplined and in control to ever fall prey to addiction. Addiction was for weak, broken people, and I was strong. Until I wasn’t.

Facing the Truth

Imagine becoming the kind of person you most disdain. That’s essentially what happened to me, and the shame resulting from this experience has been crushing. The damage I’ve done to my sense of worth, to my self esteem, to my life, is very real. But the only way forward is through, so here we are.

About a month ago, in a very low moment of realizing I’d lost another hour to the Instagram vortex, my intuition came through very clearly telling me it was time to stop. Not just reduce my usage, but delete the app from my phone and completely stop using it. I felt so much relief at this prospect, even though I knew it meant facing a lot of things I’ve been avoiding.

I tried to distance myself from Instagram last summer after a similar low moment, but what ended up happening was that I stopped posting yet continued consuming everyone else’s content. As I’ve said many times, when your consumption outweighs your creation, it’s a recipe for disaster! For me when the balance tips toward overconsumption I experience lowered self-esteem, depression, and anxiety, not to mention less productivity and more stress.

I recalled that experience and accepted that my intuition was right: I needed to stop completely in order to break the cycle of compulsive behavior and create a permanent shift.

Facing Myself

Over the last month I’ve thought about what truly stopping would look like, what the repercussions would be for my life and work, and how I’ll address what’s really driving my addiction. Will I feel more isolated, less connected? Maybe, but it’s a good incentive to nurture connections outside of Instagram. Will I experience FOMO? Probably, but the irony is that the time I spend on Instagram is causing me to actually miss out on my life.

I’ve thought about my work and how I’ve held so tightly to the belief that Instagram is necessary for me to grow and promote my business…while not really using my account to do much of that at all! The truth is that my addiction is robbing me of time and energy I could be devoting to tasks that would actually create the results I’m looking for.

I’ve thought about what triggers me to pick up my phone and open Instagram, and what I’ll do instead when it’s not there anymore. I’m still sorting through what’s underneath it all, but I can tell you that there’s a lot of loneliness,grief, anxiety, and fear.

Moving Forward

The last 18 months have been particularly emotionally and intellectually intense for me and I think that has brought me to a crux as far as my Instagram overuse and what’s driving that behavior. In my experience if you dig deep you’ll always uncover a buried treasure, so even though I’m a bit nervous about both admitting this addiction and taking steps to address it, I’m also excited to see what unfolds in the space I’m creating.

I can’t say for sure how long I’ll be away from Instagram, but I’m certain that I’ll be intuitively guided to return at the right time. In the interim, I’ll be relaunching my email newsletter, which has been on hiatus for the past year, and focusing more on sharing both via that newsletter and my website. If you’re not already receiving my email newsletter, you can subscribe by clicking the “Get Free Guidance” button in the pink bar below this post.

And if you’d like intuitive guidance, coaching, and support to work through your own challenges, I’d be so honored to work with you. The funny thing about life is that the more I work on facing and working through my own pain, fear, and challenges, the better I continue to become at helping others do the same. Everything comes full circle, and we’re all in this together.

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Finding Grace in the Aftermath of Trauma

By Intuition

Today would have been my mom’s 70th birthday. She killed herself 12 years ago. This day isn’t tinged with terrible sadness for me, it’s not heavy. Some years it comes and goes and I don’t even realize until a few days later that it’s passed.

This year I felt it coming. It’s complicated. I’m sad, I’m relieved, I feel a bit adrift. There’s a space inside me that’s empty, but the truth is that that emptiness was there even before she died. I was holding that space for her and filling it up with all my dreams and fantasies of what our relationship could be. But they were just dreams and when she died they vanished into nothingness.

I grieved the loss of my dreams, the loss of what could be, the wasted potential, but I made quick work of it and built a wall around that empty space so I could pretend it wasn’t there. I felt that because her life had been so painful for her, and because my life was easier with her gone, that her death was a net win for our team. I made it simple in my mind, breathed a sigh of relief, and “moved on.” But it doesn’t work that way. The pieces of our story (of ourselves, really) that we deny will resurface again and again until we hear them, until we bring them back into our hearts.

I’ve spent the past 18 months taking down the wall around my “mother space” and investigating what’s really in that emptiness. It’s like picking through the ashes after a devastating fire: everything’s gone, but the ghosts are still there.

I’ve realized recently that that space doesn’t hurt quite as much as it used to, it’s just…space. I hold that space for myself now, to work through my experience of being mothered and my experience of being a mother. I think a lot about how she couldn’t show up for me, what that meant for me, all the sadness and pain I suffered because of it. All the stories and beliefs I created about life, relationships, and myself as a result of those experiences. I think about how sad her life was, how a perfect storm of childhood trauma and physical dysfunction sunk her ship before she could even leave the port. I think about how I mother my own kids, the impossible standards I’ve set for myself in response to my own childhood. How do you give what you never received? How do you mother yourself? How do you show up fully in the present when the past is dogging you incessantly?

I ask more questions than I answer, and the answers that do come are in the language of the heart. I can’t speak or explain them so much as feel them. I’m peeling back the layers, coming to an understanding, finding forgiveness—more for myself than for anyone else, because that’s what’s truly difficult. It’s so easy to forgive others their faults and so hard to do that for ourselves.

In simplifying her life, and her death, I shut the door on myself. I left no room for confusion, grief, or exploration. I didn’t want those things back then anyway, but I understand the need for them now. I never wanted to look back, to think about my past, to feel anything but strong and in control and unaffected. But the past does matter, it’s our foundation, and if we ignore it then the only explanation for our faults, patterns, and “issues,” is that we’re broken and flawed.

The path to loving and forgiving myself has involved examining my past and feeling all the painful feelings I avoided at the time. I’ve needed help to do this, to allow a fresh perspective on all this old stuff to emerge. I could write volumes on that alone—seeking help, being vulnerable enough to actually receive the help I needed, being brave enough to explore the darkness. But through this work I’m developing the foundation I never had. I’m becoming multi-dimensional and grounded in life, in myself.

I don’t know that I’d have the space in my heart or mind to do this if my mother were still alive. I needed a distance from it all that would’ve never been created if I were still trying to manage that relationship day in and day out. So, it’s complicated. She was born, she was in pain, she caused pain, she died, and then there was so much left behind that just couldn’t be ignored.

This year what I’ve decided is that her birthday is an opportunity to stop and take a moment to think of her. To think of the good times, her admirable qualities, all the things I like about myself that are a direct result of her genetics or her influence. To send love to her, to love myself. The only way forward is through, and I want to move through life with love.

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Feelings Don’t Have an Expiration Date

By Intuition

My beloved dog, who has been my best friend and favorite person for the last twelve years, suddenly passed away three weeks ago. My whole family is devastated, and I am especially bereft. He was our family dog, but mostly he was my dog. For the last eight years I’ve either worked from home or been home with my kids, and he was my constant companion. Since he died, I’ve found myself completely unable to adequately describe both the intensity of our bond and the magnitude of my current suffering.

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How to Overcome Fear & Take Action

By Intuition

When we set our sights on achieving things that really matter, the stakes feel high. The more deeply we care about something, the more vulnerable we become to fear and doubt.

The real problem with fear is this: it often prevents us from taking action. When we don’t act, we feel stuck. And the longer we feel stuck, the harder it becomes to act.

But here’s the thing: we’re collaborators with the universe and our action is required.

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Ushering in 2016 with Grace & Openness

By Intuition

The beginning of a new year is such an exciting time, but sometimes it can be tiring and overwhelming to think about a brand new year stretching out ahead of you. (You’d better make it count, right? This’ll be the best year ever! The year you finally get your shit together, make that change, do that thing, find happiness/success/health! Ugh, just writing those examples makes me feel bad!)

Rather than create a list of goals and resolutions that will either be forgotten or cause you stress (or, um, both), I suggest you take my simple, compassionate approach to transitioning to a new year. Three simple steps, which work fabulously to usher in the new year but can also be used any time you want to hit the reset button.

I suggest you read through the process first and then go back to actually do the exercises so you have a sense of what you’ll be doing and how much time you’ll need (I recommend setting aside about 30 minutes).

Forgiveness

To start, you’re going to forgive yourself. Don’t even think about all the people who’ve wronged you who you need to forgive. Once you’ve forgiven yourself, all that karma wrapped up with other people will sort itself out.

Get out a piece of paper and a pen and write down whatever comes to mind that you’re blaming yourself for. It doesn’t have to be from last year, it can be anything you’re carrying that has an element of self-blame. Disappointments, mistakes, things you did or said that you wish you hadn’t, things that didn’t turn out how you wanted them to, negative ways that you treated yourself or others, anything. Don’t edit or judge what comes up, just spend 5-10 minutes writing it all down.

Then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. You’re going to invite forgiveness for everything you’re blaming yourself for, and you’re going to graciously accept it. Breathe in forgiveness and breathe out all the self-blame and pain. You are deserving of forgiveness, you are good, you are lovable. You did your best. Whatever you did in those moments that caused you to blame yourself was truly your best–if you could’ve done differently, you would have. It’s okay, and you’re forgiven. You’re free to move on now, and to receive all the goodness and love that is waiting to come to you.

If you find that you’re stuck on something and it feels like you simply can’t forgive yourself, that’s okay. Recognize that you’re stuck and ask for help. I suggest something like, “Please allow me to forgive myself for X,” or “Please help me forgive myself,” but the wording doesn’t really matter as long as it resonates with you.

You may realize that there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to be forgiven because you don’t feel like you deserve forgiveness. This is normal, and it’s okay. In fact, if you’re really feeling a lot of self-blame, expect to run into some difficulty with forgiving yourself. The truth is that you’re deserving of forgiveness no matter what, and you just need some help getting there. As in the example above, ask for help. Simply say, “Please help me feel deserving of forgiveness,” or “Please help me realize that I deserve to forgive myself.”

You’ll know when you’ve come to the end of this first step. You may feel lighter, you may feel a stream of supportive thoughts coming through, you may just intuitively feel done for now. Regardless of whether you’ve fully forgiven yourself or not, you can move on to the next step.

Gratitude

Now take your piece of paper and pen and write out a list of everything you’re grateful for. Again, this doesn’t have to be limited to things that happened in 2015, and it can even (and probably will) include things from the list you just made of everything you need to forgive yourself for. Some of our worst experiences and biggest mistakes often teach us the most important lessons and/or create the most significant turning points in our lives.

So put it all down on the list, without editing or judgement. Everything–little and big, good and bad, weird, wonderful, difficult, terrible, lovely–everything that, when you think about it, you’re honestly glad it is or was part of your experience.

Gratitude is like fertilizer for happiness. The more you can find gratitude, even for the awful stuff, the more happiness and ease will be part of your experience. Gratitude encourages feelings of alignment, empowerment, and joy. So write it all down!

Now close your eyes and think about the things on your list. Breathe in and let the warm, glowing energy of gratitude surround you and fill you. Let it seep into all the cracks and crevices inside and buoy you. Spend a few minutes breathing deeply and allowing the overwhelming sense of gratitude for your life and experiences to consume you. When you feel ready (you’ll know intuitively when you are), open your eyes and move on to the third and final step.

Offering

The last thing you’re going to do is offer whatever needs to be offered to the Divine (or Source, or God, or the Universe–really, whatever you want to call it). You can offer anything and everything. Delegating to the Divine (which is really your own inner divine self) is the best way to handle anything that just feels too big or too difficult for your small self (which includes the conscious mind, logical mind, and ego) to deal with.

If there was something you couldn’t forgive yourself for in the first step of this exercise offer it up. If you’re facing a problem or decision that you just can’t seem to make headway with, offer that too. You may choose to offer the entire upcoming year, or even your entire existence.

The point of offering our struggles, our problems, and ourselves to the Divine is to align with our highest selves. Remember that we are the Divine just pretending to be people (another way this is often said is that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience). Aligning with the Divine is a way to access all of the love, wisdom, and power available to us.

You can either write down what you’re offering or say it out loud. Or both! Write it or say it with the words that resonate most for you. It doesn’t matter if it’s not the most eloquent wording as long as you’re offering it with the full power of your heart. If you’ve chosen to write rather than speak what you’re offering to the Divine, write it down a few times. If you’ve chosen to speak, say it out loud a few times.

Then close your eyes, take a deep breath, and place your hands, open with palms up, in front of you. This gesture signifies your openness to receive whatever wants to come to you however it wants to come. The final piece of offering is staying open to receive. Set the intention to be fully open to receive, knowing that whatever you get is for the highest good. You can set the intention in your mind or say it out loud, both work equally well as long as you’re fully invested in the intention itself.

If you feel like you need help staying open and having faith that you’ll receive whatever is needed for the highest good, ask for it the same way that you asked for help with forgiveness at the beginning of this exercise. The wording doesn’t matter as much as the feeling behind it, so simply speak from your heart, whether you say the words out loud or in your mind.

Coconut Smashing Ceremony

If you really want to take your offering to the next level, you can also do a coconut smashing ceremony. I did one for the first time this year and it was so much more powerful than I expected it to be!

To do the coconut smashing ceremony, you’ll need a mature (brown, not green) coconut, and an outdoor space where you can smash it. Once you’re outside, hold the coconut so you can see the three dots on one end, don’t they look just like a face? Focus on the face of the coconut and think about what you really want to offer to the Divine. Choose just one thing if possible.

If you’re having trouble deciding what to offer, choose the thing that pulls most strongly on your heart, which is most likely the first thing that comes to mind. You may also find, as I did, that there’s one thing that influences so many other things, and offering that one thing is like pulling the thread that causes the whole mess to unravel.

Spend a few minutes pouring all the energy of what you’re offering into the coconut and then say out loud what you’re offering. Then smash the coconut on the ground. It may take more than one throw to smash your coconut. I’ve been told that if you’re offering a particularly old or sticky issue that it can take several throws to smash your coconut. I’ve also heard that sometimes the inside of the coconut will be brown or rotten or old and dried out when you’re offering something that has been a long-term issue or has really had a negative effect on your life.

Don’t you feel lighter and more free now? I definitely did. Clean up your coconut pieces and throw them away. Do not eat the coconut!

Moving Forward

That’s it! No pressure, no guilt, no list of stuff you need to keep track of. Of course you may choose to do more specific intention-setting or planning for your year, but energetically what you’ve just done is an ideal transition to help you move forward.

You can do this full exercise, or an abbreviated version of it, any time you’re feeling stuck or like you need to lighten your load. It’s a great way to shift your energy to a more receptive, positive vibration and align with your higher self.

Need Some Help?

Feel like you want some guidance and help with your transition into the new year? This is truly an optimal time to book an Intuitive Counseling session! Together we can work through issues much more quickly than you can on your own, and we’ll clearly identify exactly how you can create the experiences you really want to have in the coming year.

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